as mentioned before im in a semi '-' mood now.

has been like at least 1 hour plus since i came back from tuition in punggol. so empty i sang ju hua tai loudly and there was no one to laugh at my singing. even had time to do 2 pull-ups before the train moved. (punggol is the terminal you see)

sitting on the empty train, there was plenty of time for self-reflection.

im an ass/fag/bastard.

for all the things i did. im sorry. to everyone.

^signs of moodiness + extreme low selfesteem for no apparent reason prolly due to exam stress though.

theres a bunch of things which if i could, i would do differently.

then i wouldnt be so negative right now.

someone once said this "to the world, you may be just another person. but to another person, you may be the world."

discounting relatives, i think this might have applied to me like say a few months ago but now i don't find it applicable anymore.

sure, if i disappeared from the face of the earth some time later, ppl would weep and cry. for a period of time. and forget about it.

yah friends no doubt, but not extremely good friends. not in class anyway. in the past in primary sch i used to have a bunch of dam good friends, but now i cant even remember their brithdates or not even sure when was the last time i talked to them. in class now, especially when partners are needed or something, theres always a feeling of being left out, (not like xm la) but still. not that i have anything against my class. but i must point out that prolly the only thing the class will ever do together is mug dam hard and aim to be top this year, like every other term. ok except maybe niao xm and jensen but thats another point.

Grades : No.1

Class Spirit: none existant, else negligible.

then at some other point. some guy will say " well you still got your ep3 friends" correction. had. ever since npcc ended (in a fashionably unhappy way with all kinds of crap and shit and ramifications i get for my stupid actions), prolly the only np guy i see daily is sid . and thats on bus where he does his job of waking me up when we reach hc. thats all. ok la maybe this is the exams period, hopefully after that there would be more gatherings and such. but still i dun think im anyone's bestest best friend. dun ask me why, i just get this kind of shitty feeling.

and thats y i sigh for no apparent reason. esp when i got nothing better to do or when negative thoughts appear in my head. like they do so very often these few days. over the *** incident and over other * cough incidents.

im trying my best not to be a fag. i talk dam di shen xia qi now. try not to speak my mind so freely and process my thoughts before saying some stupid things before regretting much later.

so pls. stop niaoing and all that sorts. im tyring my best. im tired.

like the fas thingy, yes i know some ppl are in much more dire straits than me. i know of ppl who earn less than 1 k but cmon la the things i own dun cost as much as say a whole library of hentai figurines or macbooks. but im not scamming lah. one of the reasons why i develpoed this ocd sort of hadbit is because i was afraid of wasting money if i let the water tap run.

EDIT: lol i re-read my post and felt stupid typing this -.-" prolly just one of the minimum points of my sin curvy life.

ok enough time spent. cant wait for my hacylon helicon days!

after some time of feeling stupid i wasted so much time typing this crap.

anyway we did rat dissection in bio today. i don't have the vids nor the pics but will surely show a link when i do. initially very revolting and im sure many felt nauseous as well. which strengthened by conviction that i am not cut out to be a doctor since you supposedly have to dissect a human (dead 1 la of course) at your 2nd year or seomthing. and im friking afraid of blood. (though not to the extent like quek) the most interesting thing was the infinite bladeworks tingy where like 5 benches worth of scapels and scissors was stabbed into the poor mice. again, will show the pics when i get it. (which is like when? never?)

lol and alot of dpks putting 4XXX on their msn supposedly praying for some it emergency lmaos.

and 6 - 7 mrts are hellish and the possibility of getting molested is damn high where every1 is packed like sardines. maybe i watch too much jap anime and amazing race.